Archive for August 15th, 2008

Right now, our family is just Grace and I.  I’m not dating anyone, or even trying to date someone.  Grace is my #1 focus and priority.  Not only that, but I’m very hesitant to date right now.  Previously, I never thought that I’d be in an abusive relationship and it was just me that I had to look out for.  Now, I know the reality of being in an abusive relationship, and it’s no longer just me.  I have to look out for Grace too. 

What was it that drew me to this person?  Why didn’t I see the warning signs of abuse early in our relationship?  Will I be drawn to another abusive person in the future?

I was analyzing this the other day, and what I can tell you is that I don’t want to make the same mistake twice.  I want to be smarter, and wiser about my next serious relationship.  I heard one time that being in love creates a chemical inbalance in your brain.  It causes you for TWO years to magnify the other person’s good qualities and diminish (overlook, down play) their negative qualities in your mind.  Then once the chemicals in your brain are back in balance two years later, you wake up one day and you can’t justify why you are with this person or what drew you to them.  I don’t know if this is true, but I think it’s a good thought to keep in mind so that you don’t rush into a relationship. 

In my quest to figure out what drew me to a person who has abusive behavior, and how to not fall into the same thing again, I’ve discovered two books that have been helpful. They are both by the same authors.  The first one is “Avoiding Mr. Wrong” (and what to do if you didn’t)  10 Men Who Will Ruin Your LIfe.  The second one is “Finding Mr. Right” (and how to know when you have)  they are by Stephen Arterburn and Dr. Meg J. Rinck. 

In the first book, “Avoiding Mr. Wrong”  there is a quiz in the front of the book for you to take to discover if you are in love with Mr. Wrong, and  the book covers 10 types of men that all women should avoid, the signs that someone may be developing into one of these men, what kind of women they are interested in, what women fall for them and why, what are the chances that one of these men will change, and what can you do if you are in a relationship or are already married to one of these men. 

The book covers 10 types of men to avoid:

1.  The Detached Man
2.  The Control Freak
3. Mr. Wonderful
4. The Cowardly Lion
5. The Angry Man
6. The Mama’s Boy
7. The Deceiver
8. The Addict
9. The Eternal Kid
10. The Ungodly Man

In the second book, “Finding Mr. Right” (and how to know when you have) there is a quiz in the front entitled “Have you just about given up on looking for Mr. Right?”  The topics covered in this book are:

1. Only one Mr. Right?
2. Being Ms. Right first
3. What YOU must do to find Mr. Right
4. The woman every Mr. Right is looking for
5. Identifying Mr. Right
6. 10 Warning signs that Mr. Right could actually be Mr. Wrong
7. What makes Mr. Right, Mr. not right now
8. Right for you may be wrong for me
9. 10 Mistakes you must avoid (and what to do if you make them)
10. Once you have found Mr. Right
11. How to destroy Mr. Right and your chance to be with him
12. Twelve ways to make Mr. Right even better

These books have been eye openers for me.  After reading them, I wish that I would have found them years ago, and maybe I could have avoided some serious mistakes.  I hope you can find them at your local library, or bookstore.  You may also be able to find them at CBD.com


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