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Posts Tagged ‘Healing’

Here’s a song that I just LOVE from Laura Story ~ Blessings

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things.

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
But long that we’d have the faith to believe.

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home,

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise?

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Empty and broken, I came back to Him
A vessel unworthy, so scarred by sin.
But He did not despair… He started over again
And I bless the say He didn’t throw the clay away.

Over and over, He molds me and makes me,
Into His likeness, He fashions the clay.
A vessel of honor, I am today,
All because Jesus didn’t throw the clay away.

He is the Potter… I am the clay
And molded in His image, He wants me to stay.
Oh, but when I stumble…
When I fall… when my vessel breaks,
He just picks up those pieces,
He doesn’t throw the clay away…

Over and over, He molds me and makes me,
Into His likeness, He fashions the clay.
A vessel of honor, I am today,
All because Jesus didn’t throw the clay away.

A vessel of honor, I am today,
All because Jesus didn’t throw the clay away.

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I saw this on a sign not long after I left Grace’s Dad.  As I read it, I laughed to myself and thought “Yea……right, they don’t know what I’ve just been through.”  I went through the rest of my day and that night, the sign popped into my head again. “There is Always, Always, ALWAYS Something To Be Thankful for.”  I thought about my life, and then I thought about the sign again.  It said ALWAYS, “Well maybe this is a general statement.” I said to myself.  “They can’t literally mean it……it just looks good on a sign.”  and I left it at that. 

The sign kept “haunting” me……I kept thinking about it, so I decided I should test it to see if it’s true.  I went to bed that night and thought to myself, “WHAT, out of this gigantic MESS, do I have to be THANKFUL for?” I thought for a second and then it came to me…..You’re alive, you have a baby girl on the way, you have a family who loves you no matter what, and you have a God who loves you more than anyone on this earth ever will. 

WOW, it hit me like a ton of bricks and I started crying……I don’t know how I ever had the strength to make it through each day when I was with Grace’s Dad.  Once I was away from him, the reality of what he planned to do if I had lived in our home even 48 hours more sunk in……..I have SO much to be thankful for just in the first thought that came to my mind.  “You are alive.”  It gives me chills even as I type this…….I was hours away from loosing everything, including my life. 

Every day, I wake up, and I am SO happy to be ALIVE!  I am SO happy to be Grace’s Mom!  I am SO happy that I can just be HAPPY with my life, who I am now, and where I’m headed.

This sign was one of the turning points for me.  It helped me realize that my outlook determines a lot of things in my life, and that even though bad things, terrible things, HORRIFIC things happen in our lives, if we look deep enough, and we try hard enough, there is Always, Always, ALWAYS SOMETHING to be Thankful For.

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Starting Over

HOW do you start your life over?  One day, you live in a nice apartment, have a good job, have nice things, and then the next day, you don’t have your nice apartment, you had to leave your nice job, and you had to leave behind most of your nice things to move across the country and start your life over.  You have a supportive family, but you are facing somthing you never dreamed you would face, being a single mom.  HOW do you care for your child, take care of your needs, adjust to being a mom, figure out how to take care of your child on your own, and decide where you’re going to live and how to start making an income……During this time, my mind was in such a tornado of thoughts, I wasn’t able to make sound decisions, not did I even WANT to make any decisions.  My life was torn apart and I felt broken, I needed time, I needed to heal, but the world doesn’t STOP because you have a crisis.  Luckily for me, my family knows me VERY well.  My sister and my dad were the biggest help in this area.  They made so many decisions for me, or “Helped” me make them (they basically figured things out for me and presented their ideas for approval) they helped me decide where to move, what Dr. to go to, what to do with my belongings, etc.  Again, they know me VERY well so they were able to help me make good decisions based on what they know about me.  Emotionally, it was VERY nice not to have to deal with every detail of everything, I had so much on my plate and so much to deal with that I would have just not dealt with all of the details. 

Once Grace was born (I named her to remind me of God’s grace in our lives.) I decided I had to get my act together and I took over the decision making process and control of my life again.   I truely feel that God allowed me to have Grace so that something beautiful would come out of this big mess.  If I hadn’t had Grace, I would be a BASKET CASE today. I would have just given up.  Having her forced me to pick up the pieces and move on with my life.  It forced me to stop thinking about myself and take care of her needs.  She brought so much joy and laughter back into my life.  God is good.

What I call the “Healing Process” in my life took about 18 months.  Slowly, I came out of my depression, slowly I began to make new friends, slowly I began to smile again, look like myself again, reconnect with old friends, I began to break bad habits that were a result of the abuse.  I knew that I was on the road to being myself again when I was heading to bed one night and I thought to myself……”wow, I haven’t had any thoughts about Jake for several days.”  This was BIG for me because for the longest time, things kept playing back in my mind, and in my dreams.  I wanted to stop thinking about it, but I couldn’t get rid of his voice in my head.  Once I realized that even though I was no longer in an abusive and controling situation, I was still letting Jake control me by replaying things in my mind,  and it was causing me to still be afraid.  Again, prayer was the key to overcoming this area.

So in the end, I decided to pick up the pieces and move on.  It was a decision.  The best decision I made that year.  I made the decision to “forget those things which are behind and reach forth to those things which are before.”  This decision helped me allow myself to heal.

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